Give Me One Good Reason
by SomeShades
Summary: Guilt-ridden and struggling to cope, Kakashi finds himself in self-imposed limbo and considers himself a complete failure. But what happens when Sakura decides to save her former sensei from himself? Adult topics, mature readers only.


Hello,  
Thanks for stumbling upon my story!  
I will, however, take this opportunity to warn you about the contents of this story. It will be dark at first, it will be morally dubious and it will contain smut which might be offensive to some (though the rating does give it away). So if you're faint of heart, I recommend you find different reading material. If however you're less easily distraught, welcome and enjoy your read.

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The life of a shinobi was one of sacrifice, they all knew that. It was the unspoken truth that they lived with every day. It was the unwritten subtitle of the Shinobi Guidelines Rulebook, a piece of general knowledge that you just accepted when you first picked up your hitae-ate. It was also a life that was lived in the constant presence of death. Losing and taking lives.  
That last part, the life-taking, he didn't mind. Dealing death was his métier. It was the losing that bothered him. It was the countless number of comrades he had seen die in battle and the only insignificantly smaller number of friends he had sworn and failed to protect that killed him. Or rather haunted him, death was a relief, a sweet escape which he for some ungodly reason wasn't granted. If he were any other man, he might have taken it into his own hands. But he wasn't your average broken man. He was special, if only because he refused to be the one to take his own life. As much as he yearned for eternal peace, he wasn't about to become his father's son in full. As for the idea of dying in battle, he had a habit of escaping death whenever they met. He blamed that on his two and a half decades of service of as a shinobi of the Hidden Leaf. The skills he had taken years to perfect and the reflexes that accompanied those abilities usually saved his hide.  
He took a sip from his glass, the clear liquid setting his throat on fire as he swallowed the shochu.  
He had made a habit of returning from missions, dead on his feet much to the dismay of his superiors. The Hokage in particular, wasn't pleased. It wasn't that he sustained heavy injuries, his body was mostly unscratched. They had noticed a change in his demeanor, though they couldn't quite put their fingers on it. He was a shinobi after all, deception was just another tool in his hands.

To his comrades and former students, he seemed just the same as ever. Cheerful, always slightly late, reliable and lethal in combat. He was hailed as a hero by the village, though he couldn't help but wince at the very mention of his name and that vile word in the same sentence. Oh how dead wrong they all were. He was no hero, in fact he was quite the opposite where he was concerned. He had failed to protect the ones he had vowed to keep from harm and yet they all insisted on showing him the utmost respect.  
With another look at his glass, he downed the contents in a single draw and surveyed the room.  
He had begun to frequent this particular bar a couple of months ago for two reasons.  
One, no other shinobi every came here, as the establishment was far from comfortable or clean. It was the seediest watering hole in all of Konohagakure which allowed him to go unnoticed most of the time, at least by the eyes of those he was trying to avoid. Two, he could be sure to find some less than classy company for the night. There was always at least one woman around who craved his attention. He had been surprised to learn how many of them were willing to accept his conditions and trade anonymity for a night underneath him. He always made sure that the women he spent the night with knew what they were getting into though he hardly had to tell them. He had gained a reputation in these parts, one he hoped his comrades never learned. He craved nothing but physical release and he promised the same in return. No more and no less. His conditions were simple. He didn't want to know their name and he was gone before dawn. An amazing number of women were perfectly fine with that and thus, he had no problem finding some pretty bar fly to distract him.

Tonight, he had his eye on a chestnut-haired woman with sparkling blue eyes. She wasn't beautiful but she was pretty enough for him. With full lips and curves in all the right places, she was radiating sexuality. He shot her a look which she caught and approached him, her walk a sensual swaying intended to catch his eye. However there was no need for that. He wasn't going to remember her in the morning anyway. He had had enough to be sure of that. Without a word she motioned for him to follow her. Leaving enough ryou on the counter to pay his tab, he rose and followed her through the door, and followed her to her apartment. They walked in silence and after a short walk, they reached her home, another depressingly small flat. She already knew how to play the game, he gathered from her posture once they were inside. He allowed her to lead him to the bedroom where she immediately discarded her dress, revealing her body to him. As she reached up to pull down his mask, he caught her hand and shook his head. She seem to mind as she shrugged and rid him of his clothing. Within seconds, he had her pinned down on her bed, buried inside her, his head finally silent. No regrets, no grief and best of all, no guilt.

It didn't take long before the nameless woman beneath him was moaning in pleasure as he kept moving, his skills as a lover just as well honed as his shinobi ones. His mind was completely blank as he sent her over the edge, determined to follow suit. A few more thrusts and he found his release, One split second of total peace, free from all his demons, a glimpse light before he was sent flying back to reality, breathless on his back.  
After a few hours and repeat performance, he got up without saying a word and dressed himself before leaving his sleeping conquest. He didn't look back as he leaped out through the window, traveling over the rooftops to his own abode. He let himself in and without bothering to take off his shoes, he grabbed a bottle from the counter of his kitchen and swallowed a swig, ensuring at least partial amnesia when he woke up in a few hours. Then, he fell onto his bed, his hitae-ate in his hand, and let darkness take over.

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Thank you for reading, chapter 1 will be up soon. I appreciate criticism, especially if it's constructive. Feel free to review if you so wish.

SomeShades


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